Happiness can be learned from the cradle: The first ties that a baby weaves with his mother base his fitness for joy. It is on this sustained basis, “psychic portage,” that the toddler develops his self-awareness and that he can grow confident, serene and happy!
Make your baby happy from birth
Whether we are adults or children, we know that we are not alone when our feelings are recognized and taken into account. To feel good, a baby needs when he comes into the world that those who care for him can reflect what he is living. It is essential that we listen to him with empathy, that we grasp his point of view without being invaded by his distress and that he is helped to understand what he is going through.
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Helping your child open up to the world
With this support, he learns to recognize his emotions, to have clearer ideas, to adapt to his social environment, to open up to the world. Little by little, over the months, the child acquires the ability to manage his feelings instead of being overwhelmed, tolerating frustration, controlling his impulses.
In more than 20 years of pediatric consultations in Boston, pediatrician Claudia M. Gold has understood that everyday behavior problems – colic, disturbed sleep, eating disorders, repeated anger, anxiety, crying – are symptoms of disruption in The relationships the baby establishes with his parents. The child can not regulate the expression of his emotions,
Intense and overflowing emotions
To avoid this type of problem, it is not enough to explain to parents how to be with their child. To say what to do is useless if they do not understand his deep motivations. What proper support does the baby need to be fulfilled? From what Claudia Gold names in an original way the “psychic portage.” Psychologically caring for a child is to try to understand one’s behavior and to respond to one’s needs in a climate of empathic benevolence, while at the same time offering him a framework that can contain and soothe his intense and sometimes overflowing emotions. In the baby, the left brain, that of language and rationality, has not yet taken control of the right brain, that of emotions and affects. Dominated mostly by his right mind, A baby seeks to understand the world and becomes an assiduous reader, a real expert of the emotions he is seeking in his environment.
Emotions permeate a toddler as deeply as the sponge absorbs water, they are his first food, and those who love him must take into consideration his emotional needs even before his classic needs, especially food.
This essential recognition mostly passes through the loving look of his mother and allows the baby to feel exist, to be true. Where does this mother’s first ability come from, but also from the father in a second stage, to “bear his child by thought”?
Immediate maternal empathy
For Claudia Gold, it is linked to the innate attachment that the little human feels for his mother. It was the English psychoanalyst John Bowlby who spoke of the first attachment to describe how a child tightens his mother in times of stress and fear. This essential attachment relationship, secured, is born and grows when the parent is fully available on the emotional level. The toddler feels free to explore the world, confident that in the event of fear or danger, the caregiver will have the appropriate response.
If no one is available to him if his mother is only intermittently or emotionally detached, depressed, for example, the child will manifest an insecure attachment; He may be alternately sticky or aggressive towards his unreliable mother or unpredictable reactions.
The second component of a ” safe psychic porting ” is the immediate empathy of a mother for her child, the feeling of being mentally and physically experienced, the ability to view the experience from her point of view, To put himself in his place. An ordinarily sensitive mother quickly adjusts to the natural rhythms of her baby, observing it, she discovers what suits her and adapts accordingly.
Becoming a child’s “safety base.”
The third component is how she will be able to regulate the painful emotions of her toddler. She must be able to accept her feelings by setting limits to her overflow, helping her to calm down, containing her anger and frustration. The fourth component of psychic porting relies on the mother’s ability to regulate her feelings, her anger, and her passion. She must never be crushed by her distress, even in moments of high stress, to remain attentive, receptive to her baby.
To become a “safety base” from which her child can explore the world, a mother needs all possible help. A practical help, not to take care of her baby, but for the chores of the house. A friendly company also, a friend, who brings to the young mother an emotional support. The family, the grandmother, for example, can play this role.
If this is not possible, the immense popularity of Internet Moms’ Forums has become an effective way to find a security base among Internet users.
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