He stings angry
For a yes or a no, your child howls, stamps, rolls on the ground and makes anger. Being distraught, you do not know how to avoid these anger. Why such an explosion?
Your child draws in her room, and you call her for dinner. He continues to play; you raise the tone. Always Nothing! You go and fetch him and take him by the hand… There he is, then, a terrible anger. This scene is familiar to many parents. However, if the anger of the young is sometimes inevitable, one can try to face it by understanding the mechanisms that trigger it.
What is anger?
Violence is used to express what psychoanalysts call an “affect.” It is a basic human sentiment, which allows, like tears, to exteriorize its emotions, and which, when moderate, often does good! So there’s no question of demonizing her, there’s right in anger …
Why is your child angry?
- Just because it is his age! Anger sometimes called “caprice” is a classic mode of expression in children aged 2 to 4 years. During this period, he becomes aware that he has a different thought from his parents. To oppose oneself is an indispensable step which helps him to assert himself and to be built.
- He naturally considers his pleasure to be above all else, and he integrates the constraints more complicated than an adult. In the frequent case of anger linked to frustration, he feels the intrusion of the adult as aggressive and unjust and reacts in real faith against what he considers intolerable!
- Through his anger, he shows his powerlessness to struggle against a crushing parental power. Through anger, he makes a bubble in which he gesticulates and becomes muffled with cries and tears. He thus occupies the ground and regains his omnipotence. It is his way of restoring his narcissistic identity.
- As in the adult, an apparently innocuous event can trigger anger. For example, his grandmother warns him of a danger and says “do not touch that! “. Immediately, he throws himself into a black anger, which ultimately disarms him. She does not know that the day before, you told your child the same thing by scolding him very loudly (he was touching something dangerous: an electrical plug …). The anger he has not been able to express before you comes simply with a little lag … His reaction must be analyzed in a global context.
How to avoid the explosion?
- In front of a child who manifests himself with such determination, it is hard not to be distraught: tired by your day, exasperated by the cries, you react by shouting and screaming louder than him … Alternatively, betting on the fact that it will eventually calm down, you pretend impassivity … In most cases, experience proves that these two attitudes are inadequate. On the other hand, it is sometimes possible to defuse the conflict and avoid the explosion. Seek dialogue first and foremost, while anger has not yet reached the point where it is likely to self-sustain.
- Make sure you respect your physiological rhythms. This may seem obvious, but some choleric behaviors can often be explained by a lack of sleep, meals caught in a hurry … At 2-3 years, a child still needs a nap in the afternoon and a safe environment. In some cases, it is useless to require certain things “for the sake of principle”.
When anger becomes his only means of expression
Sometimes anger becomes the child’s almost positive response to any external stimulation as if screaming and agitation had become a new form of language for him. The situation is often all the more difficult as the adults in charge of the child have also been locked into excessive attitudes. It may then be necessary to consult. A specialist will propose to you to treat the family context, and thus to de-dramatize the situation.
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