Harassment at school: give them the keys to defend themselves
The playground is a mini-jungle where some children get heckled more than others. If it is not yet possible to speak of genuine harassment in kindergarten, it is important to help the most vulnerable to cope with the violence of others. Tips from a pro to help him win.
School Harassment: Tips to Help Your Child Defend
Mockery, isolation, scratches, the hustle, and bustle, hair pulls … the phenomenon of school bullying is not new, but it is growing and increasingly worries parents and teachers alike. To combat this scourge, the Minister of Education has just presented the new measures in its anti-harassment plan . Even the kindergarten is not spared , and as Emmanuelle Piquet emphasizes: “Without going as far as talking about children harassed at this age, it is often the same who are being pushed, Toys, put on the floor, pull hair, even bite. In short, there are some toddlers to whom it happens many relational worries. Moreover, if they are not helped, This may occur in primary or secondary schools.
Contrary to popular belief, it can happen to any child; there is no typical profile, no pre-designated victim. Stigma is not linked to environmental criteria, but rather to a particular vulnerability. The other kids quickly find that they can exercise their power over that one.
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Step One: Detect the Problem
Unlike the older ones, toddlers trust their parents easily. On their way back from school, they tell their day. Does yours tell you that he is bothered by the play? Do not flinch the problem by telling him that it does not matter, that he will see others, that he is not in sugar, that he is big enough to fend for himself. A child who is disturbed by others is weakened. Listen to him, show him that you are interested in him and that you are ready to help him if he needs you. If he finds that you are minimizing his problem, he may not tell you anything, even if the situation worsens for him. Ask for clarification to get a clear idea of what is happening: Who bothered you? How did it start? What did you do? Moreover, you? Perhaps your child was on the offensive first? Perhaps it is a one-off quarrel related to a particular incident?
The kindergarten playground is a mess where toddlers must learn not to let themselves walk on their feet. Disputes, fights and physical confrontations are inevitable and useful because they allow each child to find a place in the group, to learn to respect others and to be respected outside the home. Provided of course that it is not always the biggest and strong that dominate and the smallest and most sensitive that undergo. If your child complains several days in a row about being brutalized, If he tells you that no one wants to play with him, if he changes his character, if he is reluctant to go to school, extreme vigilance is necessary. Moreover, if the mistress confirms that your treasure is a little isolated, that it does not have many buddies and that it was difficult to bind and to play with the other children, you are no longer facing a difficulty, But to a problem that will have to be solved.
Step Two: Avoid Overprotecting
Obviously, the first reflex of parents wanting to do well is to fly to the rescue of their child in difficulty. They will dispute the naughty boy who throws the balloon at the head of their cherub, awaits the evil girl who pulls the hair of their princess out of school to lecture her. This will not prevent the guilty from starting the next day again. At the same time, they attack the parents of the aggressor who mistake him and refuse to admit that their little angel is violent. In short, by intervening to solve the problem in place of the child, instead of arranging things, they take the risk of aggravating them and perpetuating the situation. According to Emmanuelle Piquet: “By designating the aggressor, they make their child a victim. It is as if they were telling the violent child: “Go ahead, you can continue to sting his toys when you are not there, he does not know how to defend himself! The assaulted child takes over his status as a victim. “Go ahead, keep on jostling me, I am not sure how to defend myself!”
The second frequent reflex of the protective parents is to advise the child to immediately complain to an adult: “As soon as a child bores you, you run to tell the mistress! Again, this attitude has a negative impact, says the psychologist: “ It gives the fragile child a reporter’s identity, and everyone knows that this label is appalling for social relations! Those which relate to the mistress are wrongly seen, The one who derogates from this rule loses its “popularity” considerably and this, well before the CM1.
The parents ‘ third reaction, persuaded to do the best for their battered child, is to report the problem to the mistress: “ Some kids are violent and not friendly to my child in class and break. He is shy and does not dare react. Watch what’s going on. Of course, the teacher will intervene, but at the same time, she will confirm the label of “a small, fragile thing that does not know how to defend itself and who complains all the time” in the eyes of other students. It sometimes happens that complaints and repeated solicitations agitate her prodigiously and that she ends by saying to him: “Stop always complaining, Do it on your own! Moreover, even if the situation is calm for a moment because the aggressive children have been punished and they fear another punishment, assaults often resume as soon as the attention of the mistress falters.
Third step: helping him change his posture
Fortunately, for the little ones that the others bother, the right attitude to finally solve the problem exists. As Emmanuelle Piquet explains: “ Contrary to what many parents think, if we avoid any stress on our chicks, we make them even more vulnerable. The more they are protected and the less they are protected! We must stand by them, but not between them and the world, help them defend themselves, get rid of their victim’s posture once and for all! The codes of the playground are clear, the problems are settled first among children, and the one who does not want to be bothered must impose itself and say stop. For that, he needs a tool to make a parade to the aggressor. Emmanuelle Piquet advises parents to build with their child ” The solution could not come from Salome, but from Gabriel himself, it was he who had to change his attitude! Even before she pinched him, he began to be afraid, and then he cried. The market was put in his hands: “Gabriel, either you remain a marshmallow that gets pinched, or you turn into a tiger, and you roar hard! He chose the tiger, he shouted instead of whining when Salome threw himself on him, and she was so surprised that she stopped dead. She understood that she was not all-powerful and never pinched Gabriel the tiger again. In cases of harassment, the assaulted child must be helped to reverse roles by creating a risk. As long as the aggressor child is not afraid of the child assaulted, the situation does not change. It was he who was to change his attitude! Even before she pinched him, he began to be afraid, and then he cried. The market was put in his hands: “Gabriel, either you remain a marshmallow that gets pinched, or you turn into a tiger, and you roar hard! He chose the tiger, he shouted instead of whining when Salome threw himself on him, and she was so surprised that she stopped dead. She understood that she was not all-powerful and never pinched Gabriel the tiger again.
The testimony of Diane, Melvil’s mother (4 and a half years)
He had never told me about it, and it made me angry because I was counting on his father to teach Melvil to defend himself. So, I proposed to Melvil to take combat sports classes. He immediately agreed because he was tired of being pushed and treated minus. He tested Judo and liked it. It was a friend who had given me this good advice. Melvil quickly gained confidence, and even if he has a shrimp gauge, judo has allowed him to get confidence in his ability to defend himself. The teacher taught him to face his potential aggressor, well anchored on his legs, to fix him straight in the eyes. He taught her that it is not necessary to strike to get the upper hand, that it is enough that the others feel that one is not afraid. More, He made new friends very sweet that he invites to come to play at home after the course. It took him out of his isolation. Today, Melvil returns to school with pleasure; he is on his skin, he is no longer bothered and plays with others at recreation. Moreover, when he sees that the great ones make a little fall or pulls his hair, he intervenes because he can not stand violence. I am very proud of my big boy! ”
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